You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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