My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
