It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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