A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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