i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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