I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
