I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
