I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
