I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize