You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she peed on how many people?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
