Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
