I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
