I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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