Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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