I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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