i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
