i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
