he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize