Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I party with great urgency now.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
