I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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