oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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