We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize