so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
two words: eviction party
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
