hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
