I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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