uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
