I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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