My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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