Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip

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(504): View more from Louisiana

My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.

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(650): View more from California

I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.

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(630): View more from Illinois

It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."

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(740): View more from Ohio

No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.

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