Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
