Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
