i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hell yes lets make some ravioli
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
