You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
