are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
