i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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