that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
