I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
