In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
