Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
