They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
