I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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