Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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