You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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