Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize