Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
