I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
