i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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