you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
