FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
