That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
