I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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