I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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