I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
