so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
