I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
