it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
