he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
