i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this just has baby written all over it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
