It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I wish i was in the wii world.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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