Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Its about making memories worth repressing
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
