When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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