It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
