the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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