I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
