I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
