when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
