you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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