We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
