You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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